Bad light stops printing
The controversy of bad light stopping play in cricket matches this summer took an unexpected development yesterday. Accidental Republic screen-printer Kev Hodgetts was wrestled to the floor by umpires Richard Illingworth and Billy Bowden in his studio after refusing their ruling on poor light conditions.
"I don't even know what they were doing there" commented Hodgetts from his hospital bed. "They're meant to be officiating cricket matches, not forcing entry into my workplace and throwing their light meters around. The power accumulated from adjudicating international cricket has clearly gone to their heads".
Illingworth responded through his agent late last night.
"Whatever Mr Hodgetts is saying the conditions were deteriorating quickly and someone was going to get hurt. The meter readings were below zero which explains why the last print Mr Hodgetts attempted missed the t-shirt completely and ended up on the side of a fridge. Given our expertise it wasn't conscionable to stand by and let this happen so Billy Bowden and I called an end to the day's play thereby precipitating an ugly confrontation and aggressive behaviour. Hodgetts refused the order to handover the squeegee and that's when it kicked off".
"We will be recommending that the International Cricket Council take severe action against Mr Hodgetts including a possible ban from printing in the forthcoming tour of South Africa" added Illingworth.
It is unclear where this leaves Me Hodgetts and his Accidental Republic company. Specialising in t-shirts that are variously described by him as "ironic and cool", "unusual and witty" and "true originals", he is left damaged but unbowed in his hospital bed despite suffering from cloudy eyes, severely pulled ears and crushed knackers.
"Somebody needs to reign in these idiots before they start barging into heart bypass operations or school assemblies" he said speaking through a straw.
"These men are used to throwing around their authority but a line needs to be drawn somewhere. I don't know, maybe the line marking the edge of a cricket pitch would be a sensible starting point?"
It's an interesting suggestion that's for sure. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens next.
A spokesperson for Accidental Republic was refusing to answer fresh revelations last night that they have been suspended from International Tennis tournaments because apparently they don't play tennis.
We are expecting a similar statement from the Professional Golf Association shortly.